When I'm "lost in thought" I lose awareness of the immediate environment's sensory input. Thoughts interpolate between my awareness and the world. Logically, the "space" between the thoughts must exist in that immediate environment. When the the thoughts "hook" me, I go deeper inside and away from present sensory input. My emotional responses become based on internal events instead of my current experience.
This week looked for the empty spot where thoughts happen. I focused on my posture and my exhalations and let the inhalations take care of themselves.
Break
I had to take a one month break. My mood had started slipping into depression and my sleep had started to suffer. Once I stopped meditating, my mood and sleep began to improve. Not a good sign for this experiment in meditation.
Day #1
Neutral mood and mild irritability.
My mid-back donated its hot pain to my attention pool. How generous of it. And my right knee objected strenuously to the meditation position.
As I looked for the space between the thoughts, I began to wonder: is that space the same as the full sensory awareness of now?
Throughout the meditation time, I rehearsed conversations and planned my notes for this blog. I thought about sex. And I even had a vision of an embryonic reptilian head and eye coming out of my side. Extremely cool!
Day #2
Neutral mood and mild irritability.
From my navel down tonight, my posture felt solid. From there upwards I sat OK but tight and tense.
My hooks often seem to involve pre-writing these entries, rehearsing conversations, planning work activities, and occasional visualizations.
Day #3
Good mood with no irritability or anxiety.
Today I had good, balanced and pretty relaxed posture.
I kept re-hashing and re-writing dinner conversation where one of the women decided I had "accidental game" with women. It made for interesting review of my past from a different perspective from the usual ones. I allowed my brain to freely flow and associate and I ended up back in the present sensory world. Pretty cool.
Day #4
Neutral mood with no anxiety or irritability.
I had posture like a rock, but ready. My inner warrior woke back up. Finally.
I had moments where the cascade of thoughts pulled me along. They triggered off each other in flashing tangents.
Other times I felt the pull and stepped back to watch it happen. Then I'd realize I'd gotten hooked into the "objective observer" loop.
Sometimes I'd even be aware of the current environment. The space between all of these did not seem to exist.
Either I sparked along with my thoughts, associations and further thoughts, or I was observing them, or I sensed the present stimuli. I found no space between any of it. It just shifted around as triggers fired.
Day #5
Good mood with no irritability or anxiety.
My inner warrior showed up again, aware and ready.
I realized, in one of my runs of thoughts, my warrior-ness fits for work too. My weapons are Visio, Word and Excel. My footwork comes from my questions.
I see I can apply the metaphor to other life areas as well. This will prove interesting.
I felt calm and ready. I felt good about this session.
Day #6
Neutral mood with no irritability or anxiety.
Thought chains flowed around kali, taihenjutsu, Knevitt and Gordon versus Eddie Lewis (from Texas, not my awesome teacher from the University of Regina), work emails and pre-writing this.
I had a sore mid-back and a tight neck.
Is the empty space maybe that within which the thoughts occur?
Day #7
Neutral mood and moderate anxiety.
My common-law wife and I discussed our situation and our possible solutions today. Thoughts on this came up a few times, as did thoughts on how, and with whom, to discuss it. I would normally discuss this serious an issue with her, but the issue lies between us.
I felt some soreness just below my scapulae and I had difficult with the time. My phone acted up so I had to use my watch's timer. I didn't know how, exactly.
Brief thoughts of work popped up. The rest of the time I spent expanding my awareness of the immediate environment.
A Request
I would really appreciate your comments on this journey, my thoughts and my conclusions. Please leave a comment or two.
Thank you in advance.
15 December 2011
14 November 2011
Sitting Still Counting Breaths While My Back and Neck Burn - Week #5
On day six this week, my mind became wider than my body. The flickers of light and
movement in the room triggered thoughts the same way the ideas in my
internal verbal diarrhea and imagery did. I experienced the obvious
connection between the stimuli, internal and external, and the thoughts
that arose. Outside or inside, the location of the stimuli made no
difference.
This week, when I focused on counting the breaths, it made it fairly easy to stay focused. On my first day I struggled with posture. I also kept finding my attention caught by the television in the other room. I could identify thoughts triggered by external stimuli, but thoughts triggered internally often snuck past my awareness.
Day two involved a lot of effort disengaging from Conan on the TV in the next room. My upper back, neck and head challenged my focus. Riding the breath counts helped.
I missed days three, four and five. I found my exhaustion levels too high over these days and felt sleep would serve me better than sitting still counting my breaths while my back and neck burn from discomfort.
The work I did with weights on day six seemed to make my neck and upper back problems worse. I did add a second pillow to change the angle of my legs, pelvis and back. That softened my sore spots. I kept my eyes open and aimed downward at a forty-five degree angle with wide peripheral focus.
I applied neurological theory to my distracting thoughts. If I tried to force them away, they bounced back up like a water mattress when you try to climb on to it in the pool. But, if I re-directed my thoughts, I trained them to smooth out. So I imagined picking up a large, soft, thin cloth on an inhale. Then I smoothed it out over the surface of a pool on the exhale. This worked very well.
After a break, I tried to think as many thoughts as possible, as fast as possible. I moved my inner and outer eyes over things quickly and labeled as many different parts as I could. This strategy worked.
On the final day of this week, I had to-do items rattle through my mind on every inhale. The focus on the breath number on the exhale cleared my thoughts, though. My posture with the extra pillow reduced the burning in most of my upper back. Afterwards, I captured all the to-do items to get them out of my head.
This week, when I focused on counting the breaths, it made it fairly easy to stay focused. On my first day I struggled with posture. I also kept finding my attention caught by the television in the other room. I could identify thoughts triggered by external stimuli, but thoughts triggered internally often snuck past my awareness.
Day two involved a lot of effort disengaging from Conan on the TV in the next room. My upper back, neck and head challenged my focus. Riding the breath counts helped.
I missed days three, four and five. I found my exhaustion levels too high over these days and felt sleep would serve me better than sitting still counting my breaths while my back and neck burn from discomfort.
The work I did with weights on day six seemed to make my neck and upper back problems worse. I did add a second pillow to change the angle of my legs, pelvis and back. That softened my sore spots. I kept my eyes open and aimed downward at a forty-five degree angle with wide peripheral focus.
I applied neurological theory to my distracting thoughts. If I tried to force them away, they bounced back up like a water mattress when you try to climb on to it in the pool. But, if I re-directed my thoughts, I trained them to smooth out. So I imagined picking up a large, soft, thin cloth on an inhale. Then I smoothed it out over the surface of a pool on the exhale. This worked very well.
After a break, I tried to think as many thoughts as possible, as fast as possible. I moved my inner and outer eyes over things quickly and labeled as many different parts as I could. This strategy worked.
On the final day of this week, I had to-do items rattle through my mind on every inhale. The focus on the breath number on the exhale cleared my thoughts, though. My posture with the extra pillow reduced the burning in most of my upper back. Afterwards, I captured all the to-do items to get them out of my head.
11 October 2011
How Do You Know You're Enlightened?
When you drop a stone in a pond, ripples radiate outward from the centre. A tree that falls in the forest also radiates waves of vibration outward. The falling tree changes the sunlight available to nearby plants and, of course, the tree body decays.
Life works exactly the same way. Within each moment, previous moments have left their traces. Someone who pays attention can perceive these traces. The more traces you perceive, the more you can incorporate the needs of the moment into the moment. Those needs include your own.
So, when you achieve enlightenment, you perceive (see, hear, smell, taste, feel, etc) the broad field of the moment until you need to focus on specifics. Your awareness stays in peripheral mode. If you need to identify a detail or remember something specific, you zero in on the information you want.
You feel pain, fear, excitement, pleasure and all the primary emotions. You have not become a god. You still have needs, wants and goals. You simply discard distractions as they arise and concentrate your attention into the top priority of now. You rest in empty awareness.
But...
"Now" contains the traces of the past and the future. If you know where you want to go, you can spot the subtle signs of the route forward. And you can identify the obstacles from the past you have carried into this moment.
If you just want to enjoy the journey, you will find the seeds right now. And if you really pay attention, you can see the same things for everyone involved in the moment with you.
When you shift freely between focused, peripheral, internal and external awareness and include a balance of the needs of the moment and your own needs, you're there.
Life works exactly the same way. Within each moment, previous moments have left their traces. Someone who pays attention can perceive these traces. The more traces you perceive, the more you can incorporate the needs of the moment into the moment. Those needs include your own.
So, when you achieve enlightenment, you perceive (see, hear, smell, taste, feel, etc) the broad field of the moment until you need to focus on specifics. Your awareness stays in peripheral mode. If you need to identify a detail or remember something specific, you zero in on the information you want.
You feel pain, fear, excitement, pleasure and all the primary emotions. You have not become a god. You still have needs, wants and goals. You simply discard distractions as they arise and concentrate your attention into the top priority of now. You rest in empty awareness.
But...
"Now" contains the traces of the past and the future. If you know where you want to go, you can spot the subtle signs of the route forward. And you can identify the obstacles from the past you have carried into this moment.
If you just want to enjoy the journey, you will find the seeds right now. And if you really pay attention, you can see the same things for everyone involved in the moment with you.
When you shift freely between focused, peripheral, internal and external awareness and include a balance of the needs of the moment and your own needs, you're there.
27 September 2011
Exploring Tibetan Meditation - Assignment #4
My sense of self-will seems to over-ride my ability to observe myself as
transient. I can perceive auditory digital and visual thoughts as arising out of
nothing, but my breath causes a problem. I cannot NOT breathe
consciously during meditation. I do every aspect of my breathing deliberately.
I missed days 22 and 25 this week. I have moved up to 14 minutes.
On the 23rd day, I had good posture, I focused well and I fell asleep sitting at least four times. The tipping of my body as I drifted off woke me. I had an internal conversation with my brother about my choice of meditation time. I also berated myself for accepting an early meeting instead of asserting myself and proposing a new time.
On day 24, I focused very well on the counting and on my posture. I did almost fall asleep a couple of times, but the counting helps. Counting also helps identify loss of focus quickly. My posture felt good, but my left foot tingled sharply afterwards.
Day 26 challenged my posture. I found it difficult and my left knee ended up quite sore. My left foot fell asleep again. Every breath required conscious action unless I had a thought arise to distract me. When thoughts did come up, I pushed them away as soon as I noticed them.
Noticing thoughts took about three seconds. My thoughts included planning a document review for work, flashes of Joseph's story from Genesis, the idea that enlightenment comes from a clear balance between conscious and unconscious minds, and the idea "no-self" actually means the unconscious.
Those who know me will recognize the freakishness of me having any biblical thoughts. What happened there? I have started reviewing the bible using a Masonic bible and special Masonic study plan. Both have passed down my family for the last four generations. That has to have led to the biblical thoughts.
I focused and counted with ease on day 27. But I absolutely could not breathe without doing it consciously and deliberately. My posture felt good from the waist down. My upper back and my sternocleidomastoid muscles stayed tight and uncomfortable throughout.
In the next room my wife watched CNN. The anchorwoman's voice conjured up brief, unbidden, erotic imagery. I could easily recognize these as thoughts arising and let them go. And this helped me see how many of my thoughts trigger off environmental stimuli.
But what do I do about this conscious breathing thing?
I missed days 22 and 25 this week. I have moved up to 14 minutes.
On the 23rd day, I had good posture, I focused well and I fell asleep sitting at least four times. The tipping of my body as I drifted off woke me. I had an internal conversation with my brother about my choice of meditation time. I also berated myself for accepting an early meeting instead of asserting myself and proposing a new time.
On day 24, I focused very well on the counting and on my posture. I did almost fall asleep a couple of times, but the counting helps. Counting also helps identify loss of focus quickly. My posture felt good, but my left foot tingled sharply afterwards.
Day 26 challenged my posture. I found it difficult and my left knee ended up quite sore. My left foot fell asleep again. Every breath required conscious action unless I had a thought arise to distract me. When thoughts did come up, I pushed them away as soon as I noticed them.
Noticing thoughts took about three seconds. My thoughts included planning a document review for work, flashes of Joseph's story from Genesis, the idea that enlightenment comes from a clear balance between conscious and unconscious minds, and the idea "no-self" actually means the unconscious.
Those who know me will recognize the freakishness of me having any biblical thoughts. What happened there? I have started reviewing the bible using a Masonic bible and special Masonic study plan. Both have passed down my family for the last four generations. That has to have led to the biblical thoughts.
I focused and counted with ease on day 27. But I absolutely could not breathe without doing it consciously and deliberately. My posture felt good from the waist down. My upper back and my sternocleidomastoid muscles stayed tight and uncomfortable throughout.
In the next room my wife watched CNN. The anchorwoman's voice conjured up brief, unbidden, erotic imagery. I could easily recognize these as thoughts arising and let them go. And this helped me see how many of my thoughts trigger off environmental stimuli.
But what do I do about this conscious breathing thing?
20 September 2011
Exploring Tibetan Meditation - Assignment #3
My sinuses almost suffocated me this week. Once I started focusing on slow,
deep inhales that I could feel down to my perineum, I found my focus
zero-ed in. I did lose count often, though.
I had some dark days this week. I wonder if they fall into the "dark night" category Daniel Ingram describes. I missed three days. I focused on both counting and posture this week.
I mostly noticed my breathing, my posture and the tension in my tongue root. I also mentally unpacked from our move, and I caught myself visualizing martial arts workouts.
I think my thighs and knees angle too high. I need to move my seat up about four inches relative to my butt.
I waited long enough between the assignment and blogging that I remember very little else.
I had some dark days this week. I wonder if they fall into the "dark night" category Daniel Ingram describes. I missed three days. I focused on both counting and posture this week.
I mostly noticed my breathing, my posture and the tension in my tongue root. I also mentally unpacked from our move, and I caught myself visualizing martial arts workouts.
I think my thighs and knees angle too high. I need to move my seat up about four inches relative to my butt.
I waited long enough between the assignment and blogging that I remember very little else.
12 September 2011
Exploring Tibetan Meditation - Assignment #2
I feel proud of my reaction when I did lose concentration this week. In the past I would have berated myself. This time around, I found myself amused and somehow gentle with myself.
This week I counted breaths. That takes me back to the second meditaiton technique I ever learned. 31 years later, I start again. The assignment use a much higher number than back then, though.
My first day went fairly easily. With my clogged sinuses, and a timer set for 10 minutes, I only made it through three cycles of counting before the timer went. The sinuses make me breathe so slowly I can feel my brain down-shifting. I concetrated throughout with only one lost count.
Day two flew by like day one. The soft chimes of the alarm almost startled me.
Day three came after several hours of packing to move. And that came after working all day. My exhaustion crushed my concentration. I never made it past the count of eight. And that made the time crawl like a one-legged ant trying to cross a pool of honey.
Day four we moved. We worked harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. I fell into bed without meditating.
Day five I waited until quite late again. My concentration staggered at first, but I found my focus and finished without losing track again.
Day six eased by with clear sinuses, good focus and a seated position so comfortable I almost fell asleep sitting. I might do better meditating a bit earlier. I probably would function better if I went to bed earlier, too.
This week I counted breaths. That takes me back to the second meditaiton technique I ever learned. 31 years later, I start again. The assignment use a much higher number than back then, though.
My first day went fairly easily. With my clogged sinuses, and a timer set for 10 minutes, I only made it through three cycles of counting before the timer went. The sinuses make me breathe so slowly I can feel my brain down-shifting. I concetrated throughout with only one lost count.
Day two flew by like day one. The soft chimes of the alarm almost startled me.
Day three came after several hours of packing to move. And that came after working all day. My exhaustion crushed my concentration. I never made it past the count of eight. And that made the time crawl like a one-legged ant trying to cross a pool of honey.
Day four we moved. We worked harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. I fell into bed without meditating.
Day five I waited until quite late again. My concentration staggered at first, but I found my focus and finished without losing track again.
Day six eased by with clear sinuses, good focus and a seated position so comfortable I almost fell asleep sitting. I might do better meditating a bit earlier. I probably would function better if I went to bed earlier, too.
05 September 2011
Spiritual Bushwacking
Three Minutes without Air
I'll go with awareness for my highest priority focus. Meditation in action seems the best tool for this. What type? I don't know yet. I have started researching Dzogchen, and I have practised zazen and vipassana for several years each. I've also benefited from meditations taught by Jack Schwarz and ones from Stephen Hayes.
This begins my adaptation of physical survival's rule of threes to the spiritual journey.
This article inspired my thinking. I realized I want, and need, some specific tools to help me over some inherent obstacles I face. But...
I know I do not want to blaze a new trail for others to follow. I don't care if anyone follows me. Sure, I would find it cool to have people follow me, but I don't really care.
And I don't have any interest in going where others went. I want my own personal Star Trek. I want to go where no one has gone before.
I recognize the importance of having the right skills, tools and kit for the journey. So I will collect my metaphorical water, knife, fire-making tools, shelter-making knowledge and whatever else I find I need along the way.
I do have to figure out what those actually are.
Returning to the rule of threes I continue with:
Three Hours without Shelter
I have to go with sleep as next. Sleep deprivation will destabilize my system too much.
Three Days without Water
Since I believe in no difference between body and mind, I choose movement for third priority.
Three Weeks without Food
Next, I choose human contact. Like Erving Goffman, I believe the self emerges from interaction. And without interaction with others, I can never discover shenpa to work on.
Three Months without Hope
Contribution comes fifth. I do not want to go long without contributing to my context (group, location, organizations, economy). If I don't contribute, I don't earn. "No work, no eating."
Three Years without Purpose
I disagree with this survival rule. I don't think anyone has a purpose. Life has no inherent meaning, except, perhaps reproduction. And I refuse to step on that treadmill.
Who has other ideas?
31 August 2011
Exploring Tibetan Meditation
My first meditation session on this new course, I had a few thoughts about work, a clump of cat hair moved like a
scorpion and caused a quick thrill of fear and I kept wondering if I had
my eyelids and eye focus correct. Aside from a few moments of
impatience, the eight minutes flew by.
Now I face the challenge to do it every day this week. I hope to record my experiences here as I go.
As part of my journey, I have decided to work through a Tibetan-based meditation course from arobuddhism.org. The course itself comes from aromeditation.org. I plan to track my progress as I go.
What led me to pursue this course emerged out of a combination of events. First, I resolved to improve my distress tolerance skills. Second, I read some very interesting ideas about Dzogchen. That evolved out of reading this article (http://meaningness.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/effing-the-ineffable/).
The idea of enjoying whatever arises, good, bad or ugly fully, completely and releasing attachment as I go appeals to me. That may completely misrepresent the Aro Buddhist system, and, if so, I will clarify my understanding as I go.
My first meditation session took eight minutes (my choice). My posture stayed fairly erect and and relaxed. And my posture also occupied the majority of my thoughts.
Day two produced a different effect. I set my timer for eight minutes again. (Once I develop a consistent habit, then I will look at adding time)
I started running through future, possible conversations. I caught myself, relaxed my tongue, and went back to listening. This happened several times. I started noting my tongue would tighten up to almost clenched. I relaxed it whenever that happened, and suddenly the timer went off.
The time flew by. I ended feeling soft, calm and easy. I quite like the feeling.
Day three, though exhausted, I still meditated. I didn't get to it until midnight, rather than around 17:00. I felt burning and tension in my lower thoracic back which I found distracting. And my tongue kept clenching up from the root toward the tip. I noticed a correlation between the tongue tension and rehearsing conversations.
I held day three's imaginary conversations with an Aro buddhist teacher in Montana, Alexander Berzin and the local Winnipeg Rinpoche. I explained to the teacher why I wanted to study with him, argued with Alexander Berzin about something he said in a recording I listened to four years ago, and asked the local Rinpoche to let me join his classes.
I kept catching myself early in the conversations and returned my attention to my neck, posture and the darkness of my eyelids. Eventually, I switched to composing VBA code for migration scheduling. I redirected my attention back to now and then the timer went off.
I felt more awake than when I started this third session. I also felt more solidly within my body.
On day four I didn't get to my meditation session until almost 1:00 am. The tension in my tongue-root seems to recur as a theme. My seated posture felt nice and solid in all other respects. And no burning in the thoracic region this time.
I caught myself in the middle of an imaginary conversation with the Kansas members of my team. They had challenged my wife's integrity. I had responded that "if she said the sky was green with purple polka dots, I would assume some unusual atmospheric phenomenon had occurred."
Once I recovered my awareness, I found my attention on my breathing. My sinuses had swollen and clogged nearly closed. I had to breathe at a glacial pace to maintain my breathing. Even so, I found myself more and more relaxed and calm.
The timer surprised me when it went off. I felt aware, relaxed and calm. I like how this affects me so far.
Day five I resisted until I got into the bedroom. Then I simply set my zafu on my zabuton, settled onto the cushion and started the timer.
Of course, the tongue-root tension re-appeared. And my clogged sinuses required very slow deep breathing again.
Because of my slow breathing, I found it easy to bring my concentration back to my breathing. Most of my focus stayed on my breath anyway.
Right at the beginning I felt some very demanding, sharp itches on my face. I struggled to ignore them, and eventually they disappeared.
At the end, I felt the usual calm and centred feeling.
Day six I forgot to note my start time. My sinuses had improved and I had comfortable posture.
I drifted early into deciding where I would use for my memory palace. I settled on my high school. I even started planning the layout of what I would put where. I finally redirected my attention back to now at that point.
Next, I felt a strong, sharp itch in my ankle. I left it alone and it faded after a minute or so.
I slipped into a shameful event from my youth on the farm. That triggered memories of my theories inward and outward forms of meditation versus trance respectively. I wondered if the Tibetan Buddhist drills and skills cover the same ideas.
Overall, I had long thinking periods before I returned to now. I did end feeling very calm and solid.
Day seven I missed my session. I worked nearly 21 straight hours through to after 6:00 am the next day and then crashed hard.
Now I face the challenge to do it every day this week. I hope to record my experiences here as I go.
As part of my journey, I have decided to work through a Tibetan-based meditation course from arobuddhism.org. The course itself comes from aromeditation.org. I plan to track my progress as I go.
What led me to pursue this course emerged out of a combination of events. First, I resolved to improve my distress tolerance skills. Second, I read some very interesting ideas about Dzogchen. That evolved out of reading this article (http://meaningness.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/effing-the-ineffable/).
The idea of enjoying whatever arises, good, bad or ugly fully, completely and releasing attachment as I go appeals to me. That may completely misrepresent the Aro Buddhist system, and, if so, I will clarify my understanding as I go.
My first meditation session took eight minutes (my choice). My posture stayed fairly erect and and relaxed. And my posture also occupied the majority of my thoughts.
Day two produced a different effect. I set my timer for eight minutes again. (Once I develop a consistent habit, then I will look at adding time)
I started running through future, possible conversations. I caught myself, relaxed my tongue, and went back to listening. This happened several times. I started noting my tongue would tighten up to almost clenched. I relaxed it whenever that happened, and suddenly the timer went off.
The time flew by. I ended feeling soft, calm and easy. I quite like the feeling.
Day three, though exhausted, I still meditated. I didn't get to it until midnight, rather than around 17:00. I felt burning and tension in my lower thoracic back which I found distracting. And my tongue kept clenching up from the root toward the tip. I noticed a correlation between the tongue tension and rehearsing conversations.
I held day three's imaginary conversations with an Aro buddhist teacher in Montana, Alexander Berzin and the local Winnipeg Rinpoche. I explained to the teacher why I wanted to study with him, argued with Alexander Berzin about something he said in a recording I listened to four years ago, and asked the local Rinpoche to let me join his classes.
I kept catching myself early in the conversations and returned my attention to my neck, posture and the darkness of my eyelids. Eventually, I switched to composing VBA code for migration scheduling. I redirected my attention back to now and then the timer went off.
I felt more awake than when I started this third session. I also felt more solidly within my body.
On day four I didn't get to my meditation session until almost 1:00 am. The tension in my tongue-root seems to recur as a theme. My seated posture felt nice and solid in all other respects. And no burning in the thoracic region this time.
I caught myself in the middle of an imaginary conversation with the Kansas members of my team. They had challenged my wife's integrity. I had responded that "if she said the sky was green with purple polka dots, I would assume some unusual atmospheric phenomenon had occurred."
Once I recovered my awareness, I found my attention on my breathing. My sinuses had swollen and clogged nearly closed. I had to breathe at a glacial pace to maintain my breathing. Even so, I found myself more and more relaxed and calm.
The timer surprised me when it went off. I felt aware, relaxed and calm. I like how this affects me so far.
Day five I resisted until I got into the bedroom. Then I simply set my zafu on my zabuton, settled onto the cushion and started the timer.
Of course, the tongue-root tension re-appeared. And my clogged sinuses required very slow deep breathing again.
Because of my slow breathing, I found it easy to bring my concentration back to my breathing. Most of my focus stayed on my breath anyway.
Right at the beginning I felt some very demanding, sharp itches on my face. I struggled to ignore them, and eventually they disappeared.
At the end, I felt the usual calm and centred feeling.
Day six I forgot to note my start time. My sinuses had improved and I had comfortable posture.
I drifted early into deciding where I would use for my memory palace. I settled on my high school. I even started planning the layout of what I would put where. I finally redirected my attention back to now at that point.
Next, I felt a strong, sharp itch in my ankle. I left it alone and it faded after a minute or so.
I slipped into a shameful event from my youth on the farm. That triggered memories of my theories inward and outward forms of meditation versus trance respectively. I wondered if the Tibetan Buddhist drills and skills cover the same ideas.
Overall, I had long thinking periods before I returned to now. I did end feeling very calm and solid.
Day seven I missed my session. I worked nearly 21 straight hours through to after 6:00 am the next day and then crashed hard.
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