Exploring Tibetan Meditation - Assignment #4

My sense of self-will seems to over-ride my ability to observe myself as transient.  I can perceive auditory digital and visual thoughts as arising out of nothing, but my breath causes a problem.  I cannot NOT breathe consciously during meditation.  I do every aspect of my breathing deliberately.

I missed days 22 and 25 this week.  I have moved up to 14 minutes.

On the 23rd day, I had good posture, I focused well and I fell asleep sitting at least four times.  The tipping of my body as I drifted off woke me.  I had an internal conversation with my brother about my choice of meditation time.  I also berated myself for accepting an early meeting instead of asserting myself and proposing a new time.

On day 24, I focused very well on the counting and on my posture.  I did almost fall asleep a couple of times, but the counting helps.  Counting also helps identify loss of focus quickly.  My posture felt good, but my left foot tingled sharply afterwards.

Day 26 challenged my posture.  I found it difficult and my left knee ended up quite sore.  My left foot fell asleep again.  Every breath required conscious action unless I had a thought arise to distract me.  When thoughts did come up, I pushed them away as soon as I noticed them.

Noticing thoughts took about three seconds.  My thoughts included planning a document review for work, flashes of Joseph's story from Genesis, the idea that enlightenment comes from a clear balance between conscious and unconscious minds, and the idea "no-self" actually means the unconscious.
 
Those who know me will recognize the freakishness of me having any biblical thoughts.  What happened there?  I have started reviewing the bible using a Masonic bible and special Masonic study plan.  Both have passed down my family for the last four generations.  That has to have led to the biblical thoughts.

I focused and counted with ease on day 27.  But I absolutely could not breathe without doing it consciously and deliberately.  My posture felt good from the waist down.  My upper back and my sternocleidomastoid muscles stayed tight and uncomfortable throughout.

In the next room my wife watched CNN.  The anchorwoman's voice conjured up brief, unbidden, erotic imagery.  I could easily recognize these as thoughts arising and let them go.  And this helped me see how many of my thoughts trigger off environmental stimuli.

But what do I do about this conscious breathing thing?

Exploring Tibetan Meditation - Assignment #3

My sinuses almost suffocated me this week.  Once I started focusing on slow, deep inhales that I could feel down to my perineum, I found my focus zero-ed in.  I did lose count often, though.

I had some dark days this week.  I wonder if they fall into the "dark night" category Daniel Ingram describes.  I missed three days.  I focused on both counting and posture this week.

I mostly noticed my breathing, my posture and the tension in my tongue root.  I also mentally unpacked from our move, and I caught myself visualizing martial arts workouts.

I think my thighs and knees angle too high.  I need to move my seat up about four inches relative to my butt.

I waited long enough between the assignment and blogging that I remember very little else.

Exploring Tibetan Meditation - Assignment #2

I feel proud of my reaction when I did lose concentration this week.  In the past I would have berated myself.  This time around, I found myself amused and somehow gentle with myself.

This week I counted breaths.  That takes me back to the second meditaiton technique I ever learned.  31 years later, I start again.  The assignment use a much higher number than back then, though.

My first day went fairly easily.  With my clogged sinuses, and a timer set for 10 minutes, I only made it through three cycles of counting before the timer went.  The sinuses make me breathe so slowly I can feel my brain down-shifting.  I concetrated throughout with only one lost count.

Day two flew by like day one.  The soft chimes of the alarm almost startled me.

Day three came after several hours of packing to move.  And that came after working all day.  My exhaustion crushed my concentration.  I never made it past the count of eight.  And that made the time crawl like a one-legged ant trying to cross a pool of honey.

Day four we moved.  We worked harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.  I fell into bed without meditating.

Day five I waited until quite late again.  My concentration staggered at first, but I found my focus and finished without losing track again.

Day six eased by with clear sinuses, good focus and a seated position so comfortable I almost fell asleep sitting.  I might do better meditating a bit earlier.  I probably would function better if I went to bed earlier, too.

Spiritual Bushwacking

Three Minutes without Air

I'll go with awareness for my highest priority focus.  Meditation in action seems the best tool for this.  What type?  I don't know yet.  I have started researching Dzogchen, and I have practised zazen and vipassana for several years each.  I've also benefited from meditations taught by Jack Schwarz and ones from Stephen Hayes.

This begins my adaptation of physical survival's rule of threes to the spiritual journey.

This article inspired my thinking.  I realized I want, and need, some specific tools to help me over some inherent obstacles I face.  But...

I know I do not want to blaze a new trail for others to follow.  I don't care if anyone follows me.  Sure, I would find it cool to have people follow me, but I don't really care.

And I don't have any interest in going where others went.  I want my own personal Star Trek.  I want to go where no one has gone before.

I recognize the importance of having the right skills, tools and kit for the journey.  So I will collect my metaphorical water, knife, fire-making tools, shelter-making knowledge and whatever else I find I need along the way.

I do have to figure out what those actually are.

Returning to the rule of threes I continue with:

Three Hours without Shelter
I have to go with sleep as next.  Sleep deprivation will destabilize my system too much.

Three Days without Water
Since I believe in no difference between body and mind, I choose movement for third priority. 

Three Weeks without Food
Next, I choose human contact.  Like Erving Goffman, I believe the self emerges from interaction.  And without interaction with others, I can never discover  shenpa to work on.

Three Months without Hope
Contribution comes fifth.  I do not want to go long without contributing to my context (group, location, organizations, economy).  If I don't contribute, I don't earn. "No work, no eating."

Three Years without Purpose
I disagree with this survival rule.  I don't think anyone has a purpose.  Life has no inherent meaning, except, perhaps reproduction.  And I refuse to step on that treadmill.

Who has other ideas?